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Domestic Violence It is extremely stressful to live in an environment where you are not safe. However, many women stay in abusive relationships because of low self-esteem, a lack of confidence about establishing financial security, or the desire to maintain an intact family. There is a pattern to the cycle of violence in relationships, which can include remorse on the batterer's part, and promises to change. There may be periods of time that are free of abusive behaviors. The abused woman may want desperately to believe that change is possible. Many batterers are very charismatic people, and may abuse their partners in secret. This isolation can lead to abused women feeling awful about themselves, and from that place, they feel incapable of leaving.

The scars from emotional abuse are often deeper than the physical wounds. Many women are told that they are not good enough, or that they are stupid, crazy, ugly, or fat. That no one will ever love them. If abused women also heard these same things in childhood, it is less likely that they will be able to leave. For an extensive list of violent and controlling behaviors, please visit www.menstoppingviolence.org and remember, if you are being abused, you are not alone. There are many organizations and shelters to serve your needs, and many people who can understand your situation. In the Boulder area, there is a 24-hour hotline, at (303) 444-2424 to assist abused women. You can also visit www.bouldercountysafehouse.org. Therapy is a wonderful tool to utilize in healing from an abusive relationship. A therapist can provide a non-judgmental and safe environment from which to grow. A therapist can provide unconditional positive regard, and as a result, a woman can begin to disregard all of the negativity she may have integrated. Women deserve what they are willing to give. Therapy can assist women in developing the tools to find healthy, mutual, nurturing relationships for themselves and their children. Lori Bennett, LCSW Boulder Therapy for Women

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